


The List

by olgushka



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 11:25:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9121423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olgushka/pseuds/olgushka
Summary: „Hey, Ty? When was the last time you did something for the first time?”





	

It starts off with one innocent question.

They lie on the floor in their dressing room, listening to music coming from Tyler’s phone. Josh props himself up on his elbow and looks down at the singer.

„Hey, Ty? When was the last time you did something for the first time?”

Tyler opens his eyes and stares at the ceiling. He thinks about it for a long moment but nothing comes to his mind. Honestly, he _can’t_ remember. 

He opens his mouth to speak but at the same time Mark stucks his head through the door, asking Josh to follow him because apparently his drums decided to stop working properly. 

 

The question is long forgotten, at least by Josh. Tyler, on the other hand, can’t stop thinking about it. 

 

In the middle of his birthday party, after blowing the candles, thanking for the gifts and shoving a piece of cake into his mouth, he leaves the guests and sneaks out to the bathroom. He looks in the mirror and breathes heavily. He’s so focused on staring at his own reflection that he doesn’t even notice Josh who walks in with a big grin on his face, quietly singing one of Fall Out Boy songs. 

„Tyler?” He asks and puts his hand on the singer’s shoulder causing Tyler to jump up and stumble backwards until his back hits the wall. „Hey, hey. It’s me.” Josh raises his hands. „It’s me. Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Are you okay? You look like you’re about to have a panic attack.”

„I’m fine.” Tyler nods, exhaling slowly. „Just… Zoned out.” He approaches the sink again and splashes his face with cold water. 

Josh frowns but turns around and enters one of the bathroom stalls. When he gets out and finishes zipping up his pants, he stops abruptly.

„Okay, Tyler. What the heck is going on?” He asks, approaching the singer who grips the edge of the sink and stares at his reflection again. This time, his shoulders shake and his eyes are wet. Josh comes closer, spins him around and embraces him tighly. „What’s wrong? It’s your birthday. Why are you sad?”

Tyler rests his hands on Josh’s back and sniffs.

„I’m twenty-seven.” He mumbles against the drummer’s shoulder.

„So am I.”

„No, you don’t understand. I’m twenty-seven.” 

„Yeah. Okay. Care to elaborate?”

„I’m twenty-seven and there are so many things I haven’t done.” Tyler’s voice cracks and he lets out a sob.

„Tyler… You’re twenty-seven. _Only_ twenty-seven.” Josh sighs. „And you make it sound like you’re already on your deathbed.”

The door opens again and Michael walks in. Tyler groans quietly.

„Hey guys, great party, we were just- Whoa.” He stops and looks at them. „Sorry, I didn’t mean to inter- Wait, Tyler, are you crying?” He frowns and comes closer. 

Tyler pushes his face further into the crook of Josh’s neck and lets out a whimper. Josh rolls his eyes and lifts his hand to stroke Tyler’s hair.

„Our birthday boy is having an existentional crisis.” The drummer says and casts a meaningful glance at Michael. „He just turned twenty-seven.” He continues, rocking Tyler in his arms. „He’s old and about to die. Just get back there and tell people that they need to prepare their best black clothes in case we had to attend a funeral next week.”

„Right away!” Michael winks at Josh and leaves the bathroom.

„You’re mean and I hate you.” Tyler says but doesn’t let go. 

„You’re ridiculous but I love you.” Josh kisses the top of his head. „Come on, fren. I saved one extra large piece of cake just for you. It will cheer you up.”

 

Everyone thinks it’s funny because he’s not even thirty yet and he keeps rambling about wasting time and not taking chances and getting old. They laugh and turn everything into a joke but it’s too serious for him so he stops sharing his fears with others. Even Josh, of all people, keeps rolling his eyes and sighs dramatically every time Tyler starts the subject.

So Tyler decides to take matters in his own hands. He hides in his bunk, pulls out his notebook and a pen and starts to write.

 

One day, Josh bursts into Tyler’s hotel room with the intention of taking him out for bowling with the crew.

„Hey, Ty! I was wondering if you-” He stops in the middle of the room and looks around. The mini-bar door is opened and there are empty bottles on the floor. Every single alcoholic drink is pushed forward so it’s easy to reach. He turns around and spots Tyler who stands on the other side of the room, trying to keep his balance. „What...”

„What?” Tyler smiles doltishly.

„Are you drunk?” Josh steps closer. „You’re drunk! What are you doing?!” 

„I’m getting wasted!” Tyles says proudly.

„But you never drink!” 

„Wanna join me?” Tyler ignores his shocked expression and lifts up a half-empty bottle of whiskey that he was hiding behind his back. He takes a few big gulps and grimaces when the liquid burns its way down his throat. „This is disgusting. How can people even drink that?” He says and takes a step forward but trips over the edge of the rug.

Josh catches him in time and snatches the bottle out of his hand.

„You’ve had enough.”

„No!” Tyler yells. „I’m not even that drunk yet! Give it back!”

„No way.” The drummer leads him to the bed and sits him down on the edge of the mattress. „What brought this on?”

„Nothing. Please, give it back?” Tyler looks at the bottle that Josh is still holding in his hand. „Please? Joshie? Please?”

„No.” Josh shakes his head and takes out his phone. „Michael? Hey. Look, don’t wait up. We have a… situation here.” He looks at the singer who stares back at him. „Tyler’s drunk. No, I’m not kidding. He emptied out a whole bottle of champagne and a big bottle of red wine. I caught him in the middle of drinking Jack Daniel’s.” He sighs. „I don’t know, Michael. I’m trying to find out. Yeah, go without us. I’ll stay with him and make sure he doesn’t choke on his own vomit.” 

„I just want to get drunk!” Tyler says when Josh ends the call.

„You already _are_ drunk, Ty.”

„I’ve never… I- I’ve never gotten wasted.” The singer sniffs, suddenly very emotional. „I just wanted… Wanted… to get wasted? For once? Just once?” He says. „I’m twenty-seven and I have no idea what being hungover feels like!”

„You will find out tomorrow. And I’m telling you, it’s not something you’re looking forward to.” Josh sighs and looks around the room again. „Wait here. Lie down. I’ll get you a bottle of water from my room, okay?”

Tyler nods and lowers himself on the bed, closing his eyes. Josh exhales loudly, takes one last look at Tyler and leaves the room, taking the bottle of whiskey with him. When he gets back, he stomps his foot like an agry child and growls in frustration.

„Tyler, for fuck’s sake!”

The singer sits on the floor next to the little fridge with a bottle of beer in his hand. When he notices Josh, his eyes widen, he tilts the bottle and tries to drink the contents before Josh can react. But Josh is right next to him in a second and he takes it away from his hand. The bottle is almost empty by now. 

„Do you want to die from alcohol poisoning?!” He shouts. „Tyler, what the heck is wrong with you!”

„I’m dizzy.” Tyler slurs.

„No shit.” Josh mumbles under his breath, hooks his arms under Tyler’s armpits and drags him to the bed.

„Are you angry with me?”

„No. I’m just impressed with your stupidity.” The drummer sits down next to him.

„Are you sure I’m drunk? I don’t feel like I’m drunk enough.”

„Touch your nose with your finger.”

Tyler lifts his hand but instead of touching his nose, he pokes himself in the eye. He doesn’t give up and tries again but the finger goes straight to his forehead.

„Is this my nose?” He asks seriously.

„Yeah. Definitely.” Josh bites his lip to stop himself from bursting into giggles.

„See? I’m still too sober.” 

„Have you eaten anything before you started your little party?” He asks, handing him a bottle of water.

„No, wasn’t hungry.” Tyler mumbles with his lips around the bottleneck.

„Oh dear. You will _so_ regret it in the morning.” The drummer shakes his head and looks at the singer who throws the empty bottle on the floor after gulping down the water. „Okay, come on.” Josh shifts closer. „Sit up. Hands up.” He pulls Tyler’s shirt over his head. „Good. Lie back down.” He says and starts to unbuckle his pants and tucks them down.

„Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Tyler slurs. „I mean, you’re hot and this is all I’ve been dreaming of but I don’t have any condoms. It’s not like any of us would end up pregnant or something but you know what they say. Safety comes first.”

„Shut up.” Josh ignores his drunken rambling. „You’re going to sleep.” He throws the pants and the shirt on the chair next to the window. „You reek. You spilled something on your clothes.”

„Vodka. But I didn’t drink it.” Tyler says. „I don’t want to sleep. It’s not late.”

„It is, for you. Under the covers, now.”

„My head hurts.” The singer moans, getting under the blanket.

„Yeah. Get used to it.”

„Will you stay?”

„I have no other choice, really.”

 

Josh wakes up to the sudden movement on the bed and the bathroom door shutting, followed by disgusting choking and coughing sounds. He sighs and rubs his hands over his face. He doesn’t feel like getting up but when he hears coughing again, he swings his legs off the mattress and makes his way to the bathroom.

„You okay there?” He stucks his head through the door.

„I think I’m dying.” Tyler moans, resting his forehead on the toilet seat. „What was I thinking.”

„You weren’t thinking.” 

„This is the worst day of my life.”

„It hasn’t fully started yet. It’s just the beginning.”

„Oh, great. Thanks.” Tyler says and throws up again.

 

They spend most of the day on the bathroom floor after Tyler refuses to move back to bed. Josh doesn’t argue. He brings him pillows and blankets and builds him a little nest next to the toilet bowl. He stays with him and offers his shoulder when the other man dozes off, rubs his back when Tyler empties the contents of his stomach and makes sure the singer stays hydrated, reminding him of drinking at least a few gulps of water every half and hour.

It’s a late afternoon when Tyler finally agrees to leave the bathroom. Josh puts the trash bin next to the bed _just in case_ and they make themselves comfortable under the covers. They leave some crappy french movie on even if they don’t understand a word. 

„I’m sorry for ruining our day off.” Tyler says suddenly.

„It’s fine.” Josh replies without taking his eyes off the screen.

There’s a long pause before Tyler speaks again.

„I’ve made a list.” 

„You’ve made a list.” Josh repeats. „Of what?”

„Of things I’ve never done before that I want to do before I turn twenty-eight.”

Josh turns his head and looks at Tyler. He laughs.

„Seriously? I thought you were over it.”

„Sure. Make fun of me.” Tyler pouts and crosses his arms over his chest.

„Sorry. But it’s funny. It’s...” Josh thinks. „It’s… Uhm.”

„Stupid? Childish?”

„No, no.” Josh shakes his head. „It’s… Weird. Just weird. Because you overthink it. Tyler, you’re young. You’re freaking out without a reason.”

„My reason is that I’m twenty-seven and I haven’t done things everyone should do at least once in their lives when they’re teenagers.”

Josh doesn’t even try to hide his amused expression.

„You don’t get it.” Tyler sighs. „It seems funny to you. But you’ve done those things. You got drunk, you smoked weed, you got high, you took your father’s car without permission and smashed it against the lamp post. And that’s what youth should be about, you know? About being reckless, about doing stupid things, about learning from your mistakes. It should be about doing all those things so you can grow up, look back and say: yeah, I’ve lived my teenage years the fullest and I regret nothing. You can say it, Josh. Me? When I look back I see only a young scared Tyler who used to go to church every Sunday and practice basketball everyday for hours until he was about to pass out from exhaustion.” Tyler says. „And then, the band happened and I focused on making music and writing songs and I’ve never done any of those fun things either because I wanted everything to work out and I prefered to lock myself in the room composing than go out with anyone and have fun.”

„Tyler.” Josh’s face falls. „I had no idea.”

„You asked me...” Tyler continues. „Before one of our shows, you asked me when was the last time I did something for the first time. And it was so eye-opening. So I wrote down things I wanted to do. I’ve started to… make them happen.”

„What have you done so far?” 

Tyler reaches for his bag and pulls out his wallet. He takes out a folded piece of paper and gives it to Josh.

„Just. Please. Don’t laugh.”

The drummer unfolds it and his eyebrows shoot up.

„There are forty-three positions on the list.” Josh scratches his chin. „And there are like… Wow, half of them is already crossed off. Oh God... Okay. Let’s look what we've got here.” Josh’s eyes scan the paper. „ _Get wasted_. Well, you can totally tick it off now.”

„Remind me to write: _and never do it again_ right next to it. In big red letters.” Tyler says.

„Why did you put _commit a crime_ on your list and why on earth is it already crossed off?” Josh frowns and looks at the singer. „What did you do?!”

Tyler blushes. He slids down on the bed until he’s fully hidden under the covers. 

„DontbemadbutitwasmewholeakedHeathensIknowitwasstupidbutitseemedlikeagoodideaatthetime.”

„What?” Josh asks and throws the covers off Tyler’s head.

„It was me who leaked _Heathens_!”

„WHAT THE HELL!? Tyler!” Josh yells. „They wanted to sue us, you dickhead! We could go to jail for that! And everyone was blaming _me_!” He throws his hands in the air. „Oh my God! You were the Reddit user who posted that link?!”

„Yes...”

„How have they still not found out that it was YOU?!”

„Please, be quiet. I don’t know. Sorry.” Tyler blushes even more. „I’m sorry. Please, don’t tell anyone?”

„Tyler...”

„Please! Please. Josh. PLEASE!”

„FINE!” The drummer glares at him. „You freaking owe me.” 

„Of course. Whatever you want.” Tyler nods furiously.

Josh takes a deep breath, clears his throat and focuses on the list again. 

„ _Tell my crush I like them._ ” Josh reads out loud. „Oh. You have a crush then?”

„Y-yeah.” He stutters and swallows nervously.

„Who is she?”

„No one. Doesn’t matter. You don’t know h-her.” He avoids Josh’s gaze. „I’ll remove it from the list. It was stupid. S-she doesn’t like me that way.”

„Oh.” Josh says. „You should tell her anyway. You have nothing to lose.”

„Nothing. Yeah, yeah.”

„Okay. Next one. _Go skinny dipping_. Really?”

„Why not? You did that!”

„Yeah. And I scarred some old lady for life!”

 

In the next few months, with a tiny bit of Josh’s help, things on the list get successfully ticked off. Tyler goes skinny dipping in the river, steals bubble gum from Walmart without getting caught, smokes his first cigarette and buys drugs from some suspicious guy he meets at the back of a strip club where he also goes for the first time (and drags Josh along with him). 

Every time he crosses something off the list and grins to himself like crazy, Josh only rolls his eyes and shakes his head. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t scold Tyler or yell at him because Tyler is an adult and he has to take the full responsibility for his actions. Josh also knows that there’s no way he would be able to stop him because the singer gets to the point where once he decides to do something, there’s no coming back.

 

It’s November 30th and they stand in the middle of Tyler’s living room and high five enthusiastically because Tyler _finally_ plays the whole theme song from _The Pink Panther_ on the trumpet without screwing in up after months of practicing. 

„Look, you’re almost done.” Josh says, scanning the paper and crossing _learn to play something on the trumpet_ off the list. „There’s still one more thing left. You still haven’t told your crush that you like her. And your 28th birthday is tomorrow. You should at least text her, you know. So you have no regrets.”

„Maybe.” Tyler drops his gaze to the floor and shifts awkwardly, still gripping the instrument in his hands. 

„What?” Josh frowns. „What’s wrong?”

„It’s not a she.” Tyler says quietly.

„Huh?”

„My- My crush. It’s not a she. It’s… It’s a _he_.”

Josh stares at him for a long moment.

„Are you…?”

„Yes.” Tyler nods. 

„You know I don’t mind, right?” Josh sighs, coming closer. „You’ve never told me. Why? We’re best friends. I thought we agreed not to keep any secrets from each other?”

„I was afraid that you would look differently at me.”

Josh sighs and takes the trumpet from Tyler’s hands, gently placing it on the coffee table. He embraces the other man. Tyler rests his chin on the drummer’s shoulder and tenses when Josh starts rubbing circles on his back.

„I feel like there’s something more.” Josh says.

„Can you read minds now?”

„No. But I can read your body language. You normally relax when I do this. Now you’re acting like my touch is burning you.”

Tyler pushes into the hug and puts his nose close to Josh neck. He tries to memorize the scent in case it was the last time he sees Josh.

„It’s _you_.” Tyler whispers and squeezes his eyes shut. „It’s you. It’s you. It’s you.”

The arms around him tighten. He can feel Josh nodding his head against his. He doesn’t let go but doesn’t say anything either.

„Say something.” Tyler says after an agonizing moment of silence.

„I suspected.”

Tyler starts shaking. Josh pushes him away gently to look him in the eyes.

„Tyler… God...” Josh’s face falls when he sees the expression on the singer’s face and he touches Tyler’s cheeks. „It’s okay. I promise, it’s okay.” He kisses Tyler’s forehead and gathers him in a hug again.

„I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

„We’re fine. It’s okay. We’re fine.”

„I’ll get over it, I’m sorry.”

„No. Stop apologizing.” Josh shakes his head. „Let’s sit, okay? Come on.”

He guides them to the couch, not letting go. They sit down and Tyler glues himself to his side.

„But you don’t. You don’t. And I’m sorry.”

„I don’t… what?”

„Feel. The same.” Tyler whimpers.

„I do.” Josh says, causing Tyler to look up. „I’m just… scared.”

„You? You’re the most fearless person I know.”

„Yeah. Yet I still get terrified when it comes to feelings.” He sighs. „Doesn’t mean I don’t want to try though.”

„Can I kiss you?” Tyler asks without thinking.

„I think so.” Josh says and closes his eyes. „It’s so weird when you look at me like that.”

„Like what?” 

„Like you love me.”

„I love you.” Tyler nods and connects their lips. 

The kiss is sweet and tender. There's no biting and no tongues. Just lips on lips, meeting for the first time. 

„It’s weird.” Tyler says, resting his forehead against Josh’s. „But it’s a good weird.”

„Yeah.” Josh agrees and rubs his nose against Tyler’s cheek.

„We just kissed.” Tyler shifts and changes his position, straddling the drummer’s lap.

„Is it supposed to be this awkward?” Josh asks. He leans back against the couch, pulling Tyler with him so their chests touch. He runs his hand over Tyler’s side. „You have a crush on me, I have a crush on you. We kissed. We’re cuddling. We’re best friends. It shouldn’t feel so awkward.”

„Maybe we should kiss some more to make it feel less awkward.”

So they kiss. They kiss and smile and kiss again, slowly, with no rush. After what seems like eternity, Tyler pulls off.

„You know, your _friend_ down there doesn’t think it’s awkward at all.”

„S-sorry.” Josh stutters.

„No, why. I’m flattered.” Tyler pecks his lips again. „It kinda makes me want to write another list... of _other things_ I want to do for the _first time_.”

Josh blushes furiously and the clock strikes midnight a few seconds later.

„You did it.” He laughs.

„I did it.”

„There’s nothing left on the list.”

„Actually, there’s one more thing I should tick off but I've never even dreamt of writing it down.” Tyler says.

„What’s that?”

„I got myself my first boyfriend.”

„Boyfriend.” Josh repeats. „I like that. Happy birthday, _boyfriend_.” He grins. „Can’t wait to kick your ass at dodgeball later.”

**Author's Note:**

> This fic made a lot more sense in my head. Sorry.


End file.
